There are 10 kinds of people

Ten… those who understand binary and those who don’t.* Do not despair if you do not understand the title and first line.  Keep reading and all will be revealed at the bottom.  If you did chuckle, well done!

Actually there are 2 kinds of people in the US:  Mayonnaise people and Miracle Whip† people.  Oh sure, most people in public pretend to be mayonnaise people, as it is ubiquitous in restaurant settings, but in private, where it counts, there are those who will not eat an after-Thanksgiving turkey sandwich with anything but Miracle Whip. I don’t even need you to think about what type of person you are, you were way ahead of me in self-identifying in the last paragraph, right?

Growing up, we were a Miracle Whip family.  I loved Miracle Whip.  Really.  It was a source of much parental discontent, in the same way I took baths which were too frequent and too warm.  After I left for college it became a joke.  My parents would take the Miracle Whip jar and mark the line indicating the amount of remaining product.  When I returned at the next break, the majority of the remaining white goodness would still be there.  Following my visit, there was usually a new jar purchased and a new demarcation line. When I began dating my first husband, we hit it off not only in the usual way in which people are attracted to each other, but also in the happy discovery that we were both Miracle Whip people.  That made food preparation a whole lot easier, until I was pregnant with my 3rd child. The funny thing about pregnancy is that you do have food preferences which may differ from your usual fare.  One pregnancy I couldn’t eat the crusts on bread.  Another had me eating so much vinegar there were complaints about too much hot and sour soup.  And in my third pregnancy, I found I preferred mayonnaise.  It was, gastronomically speaking, heresy, but I was given a pass for hormonally induced temporary loss of senses.  Postpartum, it stuck in a laissez faire sort of fashion.  I could eat foods with mayonnaise and I could eat them with Miracle Whip.  With a few exceptions, it didn’t matter which was utilized.  Exception: the after-Thanksgiving turkey sandwich must have MW.

For many years we stocked both in our refrigerator, the oldest son also straying from the flock and preferring mayonnaise in some of cuisine.  I think it was God’s way of preparing me for Steve, who when asked said, “Mayonnaise.  NEVER Miracle Whip.”  While the children were at home, I continued to stock both, but when the baby went to college, we just settled on mayonnaise.

Darling daughter came home for her first summer back from school.  It has been delightful to have her back.  Not changed, but changed.  Becoming an independent adult is an amazing process. I made artichokes for dinner one night.  Steve prefers his with melted butter.  [Actually he prefers I not feed them to him because although they taste good, they’re a lot of work for not much intake. ]  Darling daughter prefers hers with the white stuff.  I served hers with mayo, and the plate was quietly and politely put down.  It didn’t taste right.  I had no MW in the house, so she settled for melted butter and the meal proceeded. But, I knew this wouldn’t be the only instance, so I did what I do and found a way to make fresher, tastier versions of the store stuff.  I feel very empowered when I not only have control over the ingredients, but also don’t have to get in my car to make a special trip for something.Miracle Whip

Homemade Miracle Whip ®

  • Servings: 1 cup
  • Difficulty: intermediate
  • Print

  • 2 egg yolks
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 2 tablespoon powdered sugar
  • 2 tablespoons lemon juice or 2 tablespoons vinegar
  • 1/4 teaspoon garlic
  • 1/4 teaspoon paprika
  • 1 1/2 cups oil
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons flour or 1 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch
  • 1 teaspoon dry mustard
  • 1/2 cup boiling water
  • 2 tablespoons vinegar
  1. Using a blender or electric mixer, blend egg yolks, salt, sugar, garlic, paprika and 1 tablespoon of the lemon juice.
  2. Slowly pour in 1 cup oil, a few drops at a time, mixing thoroughly.  Add remaining 1/2 cup oil a little faster, carefully blending in each bit before adding the remaining tablespoon lemon juice.
  3. Mix the flour, mustard, boiling water and vinegar together until smooth.  Pour into a small saucepan and cook until smooth and paste-like (but not too thick).
  4. Slowly add this hot mixture to the mayonnaise and blend well.  Pour in a container and cool in the refrigerator.

* 2 kinds of people

Binary uses only zeroes and ones to create numbers. 0000= zero 0001=one 0010=two 0100=three and so on So the phrase, “There are only 10 types of people.  Those who understand binary and those who do not,” is using binary 10 to indicate the number 2.  Make sense? †Miracle Whip is a registered trademark of Kraft Foods


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